Well, I’m going to look rather stupid. In my last post I went on about how I had learned to relax, to forgive myself for delays and lack of productivity, and how I didn’t care as much about getting work done since it’s my last semester and I have a good foundation to fall back on. All of that still applies, but as we come into finals week, I find myself grudgingly trying to get back into the grind. I say grudgingly because it really does feel involuntary, like a learned response from all the finals weeks I’ve pushed through. I know I don’t have to push hard. I know that I only need to nominally get things done and I’ll be perfectly fine. But old habits die hard.
Of course, this means that I’m having to up my game in terms of overcoming the obstacles to my productivity. When I could afford not to care, I didn’t have to do much to ensure that I got work done to a certain degree. I basically just had to sit down, put on a podcast for background noise, maybe start a pomodoro timer, and then do the work. It wasn’t a process I could effectively do everyday, which was fine when I didn’t have large scale end-of-semester projects to finish.
The first thing I’ve done to try and increase my productivity is change my environment. Normally, I would work at my desk in my bedroom. It’s good for those intense bursts of work when I need to lock myself away, but when my entire day is effectively being locked away, I go even more stir crazy trying to work in one small corner of my apartment. Instead, I’ve moved a lot of things into my living room. Since my roommate moved out, I don’t have to navigate around someone else needing the space, so I’ve been able to spread out a bit, not only for work but for more fun activities. I’ve hooked my Nintendo up to the bigger living room TV and just today brought my guitar amp and pedalboard out so that they aren’t crammed into the back corner of my bedroom. It’s been nice having more light during the day while working. It’s also had the side effect of making me sleep a little better, since my bedroom has effectively been reduced to that purpose alone and I can’t be overwhelmed by all my distractions being there when I go to bed.
Of course, this change in location has come with downsides. The wider space does offer more passive distractions. I’ll be working and look over into my kitchen, get hungry, and whip up a small meal, and before I know it, I’ve spent half an hour cooking and eating and my work flow has been entirely stopped. The light that comes in from the two bigger windows is nice, but it also means that I’m more inclined to get curious and peek out at what’s going on outside. Solve one problem, introduce another.
The biggest issue I’m facing is related to my lack of desire to get schoolwork done. In past semesters, I’ve at least had the drive to get the work done, if only to make it to the next break. My future and other passions have always been far off entities, things I could imagine but would not be able to reach or realize for a long while. Now, that is not the case. The future is in sight. It’s not only reachable, but increasingly imminent. The things I want to learn and accomplish are so close I can taste them, and I’m obsessing over the idea of finally being able to address them. School has always been in my way, but for the first time I can see a not-too-distant future where it isn’t in the way, and that makes every second I have to stick with schoolwork more unbearable. That in turn makes me fall a bit more behind each day, which makes me feel overwhelmed and want to work even less.
It’s kind of funny to be honest. I feel like I have this kind of issue every time I get to finals week. It rarely matters whether I am behind, but I always feel behind and I never know how I manage to get everything done. It’s like my brain goes into red alert and I descend into a trance of caffeine and anxiety until I find myself finished my work. I really want to avoid that this semester, because it’s honestly hell, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to. The fact of the matter is that whatever I normally do, however it normally works, it does work. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet. Sometimes you have to hunker down and push through the things you have to do so that you can do the things you want to do. I know I can do it, if I can only sit down long enough.















